lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
