So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
