While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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