u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
