I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
