I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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