why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
