It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
