Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
