I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
