Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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