I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
