Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
