you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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