Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
