oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
