i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
third nipple confirmed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
