none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
