Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
