Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so let's talk penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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