You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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