woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You need Xanax blowdarts
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
