I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
