Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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