I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
