The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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