Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
