His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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