Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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