I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
