you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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