I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
