Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
