remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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