i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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