so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Fuck appropriateness.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
