Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
