i will never coherently bang her
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
