I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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