ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
