well I can't set my house on fire every night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
