Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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