I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
