Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
