im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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