I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize