Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
