Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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