Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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