Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
