Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
