I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would fuck him just for his dog
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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