shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
