I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
