you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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