I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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