Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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