the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
