I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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