my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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