worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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