im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
