I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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