he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
