the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
