I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
