I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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