then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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