Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
