My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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