My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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