Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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