it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
