remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's shark week go big or go home
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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