He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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